based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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