Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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