I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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