i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
