Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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