he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
