I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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