"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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