nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
