dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
