I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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