How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
