great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
