nut hugger
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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