there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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