Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
