i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
