Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
