We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
