so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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