one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
