you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
