i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
