do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
