Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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