I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
high people should be assigned attendants
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
