I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
