was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
