Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
