4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
