I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
