just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
