You can't special order awesome
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
