I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
