After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
