My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
