i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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