I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
