My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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