I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So much Jack, so little girl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
