Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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