Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
