You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
