Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
