As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
