He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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