Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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