Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
