She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
