Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
