True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
