i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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