So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
