Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
