Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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