I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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