he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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