R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
