y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
