K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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